2023 put Bowie in his place. I have grown more in the past 12 months than any previous stretch in my adult life. I have been humbled. From the outside looking in, it seems as though life has chewed me up some. From the outside looking in, I'd have to agree with you.
A move back home with my parents for what was termed an "indefinite" period of time has continued indefinitely. I quit my "adult" job in sales and embarked on a journey of self-exploration and discovery. That journey thrashed my finances, my status in my family and who I thought I was.
I settled down. Not in the marriage, house and kids way, but in the ceaseless mind chatter way. 2023 was the first time in my life I had ever truly sat with myself. 2023 was an endless stretch of spring cleaning. Reading into and playing out old habits. Seeing repeating life cycles and reflecting on both their sources and what I want to be when I let them go.
I got uncomfortable. Silence. Stillness. Everything that makes my ego, my drive, my judgmental self scream lazy, lost and wasteful. Quiet and solitude were no shields from the noise within. Noise I had numbed myself to. When it came to taking "action" I found that the noise was nothing more than an overstayed passerby whose departure was dependent on my acknowledgement. Look. Feel. See. Allow. Years and years of hardship and judgment and self-doubt were all hidden roommates leeching my energy.
I learned more about who I am, and let go of what I do. Status had always been important to me. Not if you had asked me so, but my awareness of my lack of it found its way into every life decision I made. Is this what being responsible looks like? Was I making enough money? If I had to ask that meant I wasn't. If I really cared wouldn't I have done something about it by now? I'm too smart not to. Right?
Right?
I certainly thought so. And when I found myself making more money than I ever had before I couldn't wait to quit. So how important was it? What was my perception of what it took to make money costing me? I felt passionless. I felt like no matter what I was supposed to do, it wasn't going to fit. Was I resolved to a life of wasted potential and stuttering indecision?
But something happened. Something internal, ethereal, vague and undefined yet simultaneously omnipotent and all-controlling. I'd be lying if I told you I knew exactly what it was. My fingers linger over the keys looking for the word.
Something divine. Big and invisible. It filled my head with words, none of which captured exactly where they were coming from. But I didn't feel alone anymore. I knew nothing more about where I was going but was not nearly as lost.
The resulting sense of safety let me listen more closely. It let me stop the internal fight and external flight. The mirror showed me someone I liked and felt endeared to. I started to talk to him more.
I liked what he had to say and I started to listen. I sat back and listened to the story. About diabetes. About how there was more to health and wellness. I had questions no one knew the answer to and developed answers to questions no one knew to ask.
With a passion I hadn't seen since I was a kid, I searched. I read. I connected dots. I wrote it down and made TikTok videos asking if anyone was seeing what I saw.
Where a past Bowie's passion would wax and wane with the enthusiasm of others, my new self doubled down and showed people what I saw. Talk about a power trip!
I was (and still am) invigorated.
A YouTube channel. A podcast. A community of people in multiple facets of alternative health all working together for the collective good. Connections to people all over the globe. Thousands of people joining me in my mission.
2023 saw me step into my shoes. Shoes I didn't know were laid out for me. I doubted they were mine. I only wanted to try them on. They are big shoes. Sturdy shoes left behind by leaders, creators and way-showers.
2023 was Bowie exploring those shoes. Like any new pair, the more I wore them the more they fit me. I never thought of sore feet from a new shoe as a metaphor for becoming. But here I was finding my stride.
2024 is where I not only wear the shoe, but I climb. I stroll. I build and create in these shoes.
I've got a head full of ideas and a newfound trust in how this life turns out. I feel taken care of irrespective of anything I may see to the contrary. I can do it. Whatever it is.
My confidence in my ability is less in a forward-looking "can't wait to tackle this" sort of way, and more in a "I've been here before" way. Like deja vu for someplace I've never been.
2024 has all the makings of the best year yet. I almost feel guilty setting goals for fear of limiting myself. Everything grows from here on out. Everything aligns in perfect time.
My message, my mission reaches more and more people everyday. My abilities as a creator and an educator improve everyday. My belief and trust in my intuition will be it's strongest yet in 2024. I lead with my heart. My mind is open and ready. I am ready to receive all life brings. I know it is all for my best. I know I can handle it.
Thank you to whoever left these shoes for me to fill. Thank you for the nudge over the cliff. Thank you for the fall and the crash. I've never felt so immersed in opportunity.
Here's to 2024.